Have you ever found yourself wondering why you keep making the same choices? Even when you know that a different course of action would be better for you? It can be frustrating and confusing to feel like we’re stuck in a cycle of repeating old patterns. You look back at your past choices and wonder, “Why did I choose that? Why do I keep doing this?”

If you can relate to this feeling, then this blog post is just what you need. It’s all too common to find yourself trapped in repetitive behavior. But once you grasp the reasons behind it, you’ll be on your way to breaking free from this cycle. Let’s explore the three main points that will help us understand why we keep making the same choices.

The Somatic Container

First, imagine a container of some kind and bring it to your mind’s eye. This container holds all of your life experiences, both good and bad. Your nervous system constantly scans your environment, referencing this container to determine potential threats. It may pull something out of the container to “validate” a perceived threat, even if that threat is not actually present. It can be triggered by something as small as a word, a phrase or even an image that reminds us of past negative experiences. Our body’s natural response is to protect us from these threats, even if they’re only perceived.

Now, imagine this: a saber-toothed tiger is approaching you, ready to attack. Your nervous system immediately senses the danger and pulls out all of its “cards” from the container. Your past experiences, traumas, fears, anything it can use to justify the perceived threat. The alarms are sounded, and your body prepares for fight or flight mode. But what happens when there is no actual tiger? This is a perceived threat – a false alarm. Your nervous system is trying to keep you safe, but sometimes it can be mistaken.

Your Nervous System’s Protective Measures

Your nervous system’s main goal is to keep you safe. It does this by constantly scanning for potential danger and alerting you when it senses a threat. When your nervous system perceives something as risky or uncertain, it will try to prevent you from taking action. It wants to protect you from harm, both physically and emotionally.

So, when you’re faced with a new choice or behavior that your nervous system deems as potentially dangerous. It will send you signals to avoid it. This is why we often find ourselves repeating the same choices. Because our nervous system is telling us not to do anything that could bring uncertainty or danger. It wants us to stay safe by making a choice we know the outcome of, even if it’s not the best choice for us.

Your Desire for Change vs. Your Nervous System’s Caution

So, how do you move forward and make a new choice, even when your nervous system is telling you not to? It’s a constant conflict between your desire for change and your nervous system’s cautionary signals. On one side, you know that making a new choice or trying something different could lead to positive growth and improvement in your life. But on the other hand, your nervous system is wired to resist anything that may bring uncertainty or danger.

However, your nervous system is literally keeping you from doing things differently. So, how do we work with it instead of against it? If the end goal is not possible right now, it’s okay. We can start with a tolerable step. An action that is slightly outside our comfort zone but still manageable. This helps us push ourselves just enough to create change without overwhelming our nervous system.

Tolerable is Key

The key word is manageable because you need completion. Completion is another data point that gets dropped into the container we talked about earlier. With each new data point, our nervous system recognizes “oh, that wasn’t so bad. I thought it would be horrible, but it wasn’t.” “Hmmm, ok, I’m still safe, I’m still ok.” With each new tolerable step, we get closer and closer to that end goal. That new behavior or choice we wanted in the beginning. It’s a gradual process, but it’s an effective one.

This shift, the growing awareness of our resilience, helps in resetting our nervous system’s alarm system. It’s like telling your nervous system “See, it’s okay. We did it, and we’re safe. We can do this.” This dialogue, this reassurance, is key in fostering a safe space for change and growth. It’s not about rushing or pushing ourselves beyond our limits, but about gently nudging ourselves towards positive change, one tolerable step at a time.

Build Toward Your End Goals

So, if you find yourself making the same choices, even when you know you should do differently, remember this gradual process. Figure out what tolerable steps your nervous system can handle, and slowly build towards your end goals. There may be setbacks, and that’s okay. Each step, attempted or completed, contributes to reshaping your somatic container.

Every single step is an incredible achievement and deserves to be acknowledged and celebrated. It’s essential to keep persisting and moving forward because with each step. You’re getting closer to liberating yourself from the cycle of repeating those old patterns. Embrace the power that is within you, for you have the ability to make positive changes in your life. Remember, even the tiniest step forward is an important stride towards growth and improvement. Take it one step at a time, enjoying each moment of progress along the way. You are capable of incredible things, and your journey towards positive change starts now.

Therapy for anxiety in Hermosa Beach. Take Tolerable Steps with Marilyn Ashley, LMFT Today!

Remember, change takes time and effort, but it’s always possible. If you need support or guidance in making tolerable steps towards your end goals, I am here to help. I’m Marilyn Ashley, a holistic therapist based in Hermosa Beach, CA, offering Therapy for Anxiety  and I specialize in somatic psychotherapy. Together, we can work towards reshaping your somatic container, fostering a safe and supportive space for growth and healing. My goal is to help you reach your full potential and live a fulfilling, joyful life. Together, we can make tolerable steps towards positive change. If you’re ready to take the first step:

1. Schedule Your 20-Minute Complimentary Phone Consultation
2. Learn More About Me and My Services
3. Begin Making Tolerable Steps Today!

Other Services Offered By Marilyn Ashley, LMFT

Don’t let your nervous system keep you from reaching your full potential. However, Somatic Psychotherapy is just one of the services I offer. I specialize in trauma therapy, anxiety therapy, couples therapy, therapy for life transitions, and more. For your convenience, I also offer online therapy sessions. By implementing holistic and somatic practices into traditional psychotherapy, I provide a holistic approach to healing and personal growth. I’m excited to work with you to make positive changes in your life. Together, let’s take those tolerable steps towards your end goals.